Active Listening
Hear What People are Really Saying
Improve your active listening techniques,
with James Manktelow & Amy Carlson.
Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well
you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the
quality of your relationships with others.
For instance:
- We listen to obtain information.
- We listen to understand.
- We listen for enjoyment.
- We listen to learn.
Given all this listening we do, you would think we'd be good at
it! In fact most of us are not, and research suggests that we remember
between 25 percent and 50 percent of what we hear. That means that when
you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes,
they pay attention to less than half of the conversation. This is
dismal!
Turn it around and it reveals that when you are receiving directions
or being presented with information, you aren't hearing the whole
message either. You hope the important parts are captured in your 25-50
percent, but what if they're not?
Clearly, listening is a skill that we can all benefit from improving.
By becoming a better listener, you will improve your productivity, as
well as your ability to influence, persuade and negotiate. What's more,
you'll avoid conflict and misunderstandings. All of these are necessary
for workplace success!
Tip:
Good communication skills require a high level of self-awareness.
By understanding your personal style of communicating, you will go a
long way towards creating good and lasting impressions with others.
About Active Listening
The way to improve your listening skills is to practice "active
listening." This is where you make a conscious effort to hear not only
the words that another person is saying but, more importantly, try to
understand the complete message being sent.
In order to do this you must pay attention to the other person very carefully.
You cannot allow yourself to become distracted by whatever else may
be going on around you, or by forming counter arguments that you'll make
when the other person stops speaking. Nor can you allow yourself to get
bored, and lose focus on what the other person is saying. All of these
contribute to a lack of listening and understanding.
Tip:
If you're finding it particularly difficult to concentrate on what
someone is saying, try repeating their words mentally as they say them –
this will reinforce their message and help you stay focused.
To enhance your listening skills, you need to let the other person
know that you are listening to what he or she is saying. To understand
the importance of this, ask yourself if you've ever been engaged in a
conversation when you wondered if the other person was listening to what
you were saying. You wonder if your message is getting across, or if
it's even worthwhile continuing to speak. It feels like talking to a
brick wall and it's something you want to avoid.
Acknowledgement can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a
simple "uh huh." You aren't necessarily agreeing with the person, you
are simply indicating that you are listening. Using body language and
other signs to acknowledge you are listening also reminds you to pay
attention and not let your mind wander.
You should also try to respond to the speaker in a way that will both
encourage him or her to continue speaking, so that you can get the
information if you need. While nodding and "uh huhing" says you're
interested, an occasional question or comment to recap what has been
said communicates that you understand the message as well.
Becoming an Active Listener
There are five key active listening techniques. They all help you
ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows
you are hearing what they say.
1. Pay Attention
Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge the
message. Recognize that non-verbal communication also "speaks" loudly.
- Look at the speaker directly.
- Put aside distracting thoughts.
- Don't mentally prepare a rebuttal!
- Avoid being distracted by environmental factors. For example, side conversations.
- "Listen" to the speaker's body language .
2. Show That You're Listening
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
- Nod occasionally.
- Smile and use other facial expressions.
- Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
- Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.
3. Provide Feedback
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort
what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being
said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask
questions.
- Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. "What I'm hearing is,"
and "Sounds like you are saying," are great ways to reflect back.
- Ask questions to clarify certain points. "What do you mean when you say." "Is this what you mean?"
- Summarize the speaker's comments periodically.
Tip:
If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say
so, and ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you
correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I
thought you just said is XXX; is that what you meant?"
4. Defer Judgment
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
- Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
- Don't interrupt with counter arguments.
5. Respond Appropriately
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are
gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the
speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
- Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
- Assert your opinions respectfully.
- Treat the other person in a way that you think he or she would want to be treated.
Key Points
It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active
listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening skills are
as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habit-breaking to
do!
Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that
your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside
all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask
questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message.
If you don't, then you'll find that what someone says to you and what
you hear can be amazingly different!
Start using active listening techniques today to become a better
communicator, improve your workplace productivity, and develop better
relationships.
http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
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